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The fruit of a faith crisis

What if I told you that I sense God at His closest when my faith is at its smallest?

I can have all the powerful and desperate faith in the world. I can go to His throne in confidence with the hope of an answer, for healing, or a miracle. But then anxiety sneaks in, and I begin to think of times the answers didn’t come, or the healing was not an earthly one. However, there was a miracle; it was found in my waiting and learning to trust the process and the “even if” outcome. Trust me- that is a miracle.

For me, my hope often walks alongside memories of disappointments. And when I’m trying to claw my way out of those memories, I’m also tunneling my way through mounds of doubt.

Our heroes of faith confronted seasons, if not decades, of learning true-grit faith. Nevertheless, they tethered to the absolute truth; that God was still good even if the outcome wasn’t.

Our faith is not built in the answers but in the waiting for them. It’s forged in times of trouble and strengthened in the middle of when the promise was spoken until its fulfillment. The character and nature of God are uncovered during our face to the floor, sucking carpet, weeping for a different result. It’s as if those sharp shredding moments cut into us, a fierce and unrelenting faith that decided no matter the outcome; we will not relinquish our hope.

It is in our faith crisis that tiny mustard seed begins to germinate. It incubates our resolve to live out loud the verse Return to your fortress oh prisoner of hope – We know in our knower, God will move and work on our behalf, even if and even though we don’t understand His timing or purpose. We will wait for years, or we die holding firmly to this belief: we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. And we will understand His plans in the latter days.

Scripture references Zechariah 9:12, John 13:7, Hebrews 11, Psalm 27:13

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