“Faith in the Even If” Finding God Closest When Faith Feels Smallest

What if I told you that I sense God at His closest when my faith is at its smallest?

I’ve had moments of bold, mountain-moving faith—those powerful, desperate pleas before the throne where I believed for miracles, healing, breakthrough. But even in those moments, anxiety would sneak in. Doubt would whisper the memory of unanswered prayers, of healing that came in heaven rather than on earth. Still, somehow, I found the miracle—not always in the outcome, but in the waiting. In trusting the process. In surrendering to the even if.

That was the miracle.

Because for me, hope often walks hand in hand with the ache of past disappointments. And in those seasons, I find myself clawing through the rubble of doubt, tunneling toward trust with nothing but a whisper of hope.

But I’m in good company.

The heroes of our faith—those listed in Hebrews 11—endured years, sometimes lifetimes, of promises not yet fulfilled. And still, they tethered themselves to this unshakable truth: God is good, even if the outcome isn’t.

Faith isn’t forged in the easy wins. It’s refined in the fires of waiting, in the silence between the promise and its fulfillment. The character of God is not revealed in the answered prayer alone but in the moments our faces are pressed to the floor, grief-weary, aching for another outcome.

Those carpet-sucking cries carve something deep into our soul: a fierce, unrelenting faith. One that refuses to let go—not of the pain, but of the hope.

It’s in these crises of belief that the tiny mustard seed begins to germinate. And that seed, though small, holds the power to anchor us in truth. It strengthens our resolve to live like prisoners of hope, returning to our fortress again and again, trusting what we cannot yet see.

As Zechariah 9:12 says, “Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope.”

And as Jesus gently reminds in John 13:7, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

So we wait.

We believe.

We stand.

Even if.

Even though.

Even still.

We will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13). And in the latter days, we will understand.