A snippet from Unoffendable
Tis the season to feel hurt, remember strained friendships, or grieve a broken relationship. I pray you're encouraged with this little snippet from my book Unoffendable.
"Spiteful words can hurt your feelings,
silence breaks your heart."
No words were spoken—no big fight—no argument. Just a shift of attitude. A posture. A distancing. Validations stop. Communication is awkward. Their presence is uncomfortable. You can’t pin down why. Your friend pulled away. They stopped liking your status. They didn’t reply to your text. You’ve been ghosted. You’re hurt. Your hurt turns to offense, and your offense turns to bitterness. An evil cocktail that taints us and corrodes us from the inside out. An acid we feed ourselves because we can’t stop the toxic feelings and the questions of “what the heck just happened?”
Offense will come. People will decide they don’t like you. You will be offensive to others. You are not their cup of tea. Their style. Their type. What started out as a blooming relationship has turned uncomfortably, awkward, and cold. Why. When. Where did it go sour? What now? Learning to be un-offendable means learning to see how rejection works in your favor. What caused the offense? What makes our jaw tighten, shoulders tense, or head ache when we’re in the presence of a person who inflicts such emotion.
Can you do the inventory to find the pea under a pile of mattresses that iterate you and keep you up at night? Or maybe I should say who. Who caused you to feel pain, an ache in the heart, or a feeling of panic that you need to escape? Why does it hurt? Why can’t you just move on and accept the loss, the broken relation, or the rejections? Why can’t you just wipe the dust off your feet and realize it’s over? Isn't that what we are supposed to do? What now? What do you do with unsaid conversations? Unresolved hurt. The unapologetic person who wounded you. The answers are found in the great stories of opposition. Every David needs a Saul. Every Easter needs to Haman. Every Elijah needs a Jezebel. Every Joseph needs ten lousy brothers, just as Jesus needed a Judas.
We need those who drive us to our knees to seek a deeper love. A heavenly love. A forgiveness that draws from a well that requires ropes and ropes of grace. The anointing will be pressed out of us during the pressure of rejection. Love will be the essence when we face dismissal. Forgiveness will be the byproduct of a betrayal if we travel the broken road well. Offense will come, but we can choose not to be offended. This choice is made in layers. Minutes. Through tears. And through surrender.
It’s often the rejection and offensive way of man and woman that sets us up towards the path of our purpose. We just have to trust the process. The timing of it all is painstakingly impossible. Our beating hearts feels like it’s spurting blood. And our hope is draining with each fading thump, thump, thump. I do not question God's goodness. I’m asking what to do when those we love are less than good to us. Not quite abusive but certainly far from honorable. One of the best ways to advance us or mature us or season us is to deal with an offense without being offended. It is a refining fire. Having offense in our lives but not being offended is like going to Krispy Kreme and ordering ice water. It can be done, but gosh, it's hard. Especially with the "Hot" sign on.
“Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
Colossians 3:13 NLT
“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body, you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.”
Colossians 3:14-15 NLT
You can find Unoffendable on Amazon just click the link below